i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
