another moral hangover. fuck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize