Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
