I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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