I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My first STD was from a foam party
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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