I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
