Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
