I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
