You just made me feel so damn special
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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