Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
