There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
