No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
