Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
