its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
