Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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