So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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