I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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