just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
