I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
