whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
