I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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