i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
