i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
