ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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