a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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