I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
