I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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