mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
