"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
