yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
