I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
