did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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