her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
