Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
