she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
