2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
