i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
