This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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