My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You made out with two different species that night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
