Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
