Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
