dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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