She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
