Moan for me like Helen Keller
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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