whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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