Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
