I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
