He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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