Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
