Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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