you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
