My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh god it's open bar.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
