First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
