If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
