Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
