The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
