Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
