Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
