We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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