It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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