the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
