I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
