I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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