i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
