What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
