A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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