Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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