News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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