I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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