marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
