trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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